For many of us, the word boundaries can feel heavy. It might bring up guilt, fear of conflict, or a worry that we’re being “too much” or “not enough.” But here’s the truth: boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about showing up—clearly, honestly, and with care for both yourself and others. How important is that for you and your loved ones?
So what are boundaries, really?
At their core, boundaries are guidelines we create to protect our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. They define what’s okay for us—and what’s not.
They can sound like:
- “I need some time before I respond to that.”
- “I’m not available for that right now.”
- “I hear you, but I’m not okay with how this was handled.”
They’re not selfish. They’re not cold. They’re just a way of saying: I matter too. And that is a priority in your life.
Why boundaries can be so hard
If you were raised to prioritise others, avoid conflict, or be the “fixer,” or the “peacemaker” setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable—even wrong. But that discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing it badly. It often means you’re breaking generational patterns and that is super important especially when you have a legacy to pass onto your own children.
In coaching, I see this all the time. I see this often in women carrying guilt simply for expressing a need. This relates back to my previous blog on self-effacing behaviors, https://kerrycoach.co.uk/2025/04/08/self-effacing-behaviours-what-are-they-why-we-downplay-ourselves-and-how-to-reclaim-our-voice/
Together, we can gently explore where that comes from—and how to begin rewriting that narrative. In Mother-Daughter Coaching we have tools and exercises on how to reclaim your voice and ‘Speaking What You Need’ which allows for better communication between mothers and daughters. This is also important for general coaching where we begin to explore whose voice that really is.
Why people pleasers especially need boundaries
If you identify as a people pleaser, boundaries may feel even harder to set. You might worry about letting others down, being seen as selfish, or triggering conflict.
But here’s what’s important to understand: people pleasers need boundaries the most. I learnt this the hard way and I expect a lot of you reading this have too.
Without them, you risk:
- Overextending yourself just to keep others happy
- Losing touch with your own needs and identity
- Feeling resentful when your efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated
- Burning out from carrying too much emotional labour
- Basing your self-worth on other people’s approval
Do you notice these behaviours in yourself? Boundaries don’t make you less kind or less caring—they make your kindness sustainable. They help you give from a place of wholeness, not depletion. In today’s overwhelm and/or burnout society this is more important than ever. Resentment is often overlooked in terms of relationship problems, carrying hidden resentments can lead to all kinds of relationship breakdowns, so building up your boundaries is so important to sustain healthy relationships.
In coaching, we work gently but intentionally to help you build boundaries that feel safe and aligned—not harsh or disconnected. Because when you stop abandoning yourself to keep others comfortable, you begin to experience true freedom, and having true freedom in your life is what it is really all about.
Here are some signs it might be time to set a boundary in your life- do you recognise any of these?
- You feel emotionally drained after certain conversations
- You say yes when you mean no- this is a big one!
- You feel responsible for other people’s emotions as well as your own – how heavy is that?
- You silence your needs to avoid tension
- You feel stretched too thin and don’t know how to step back
If any of this resonates, please know you’re not alone. You’ve likely been conditioned to keep others comfortable, this often stems from childhood and the environment you grew up in, but now it comes at your own expense.
Boundaries make room for real connection
Healthy boundaries aren’t walls. They are the foundation for relationships that are built on mutual respect, safety, and trust. You can love others and say no. You can be kind and still be clear, and you can support people without self-sacrificing.
Are you ready to explore what boundaries could look like for you?
In coaching, we don’t just talk about boundaries—we practice them.
We build up your confidence through coaching to speak up, stay grounded, and honour what you truly need. We look at self-sacrifice and self–effacing behaviours, what they mean for you and how we can change them, step by step, little by little, until you feel comfortable moving forwards.
Because when you start respecting your own limits, everything else in your life begins to shift.
👉 If you’re ready to feel more empowered, more at peace, and more connected—to yourself and others—please get in touch. I’d love to walk that journey with you.